Was That Me?

Friday May 21st 2021 17:30hrs BST

So after getting to bed a little before ninety the morning and going to sleep a little later, I woke up at a quarter past three in the afternoon, still pissed off with myself that I had gone off on one at work.

It’s getting to me that I think I’ve been affected by the lockdown as well to some degree, even though I have been going out to work constantly.

On my days off I don’t seem to be able to do anything.

I keep thinking “what’s the point?”  It’s not like we can do much of anything anyway, and I’m so used to being in bed all day and up all through the night for work five nights a week, that I’m used to those hours.

It will never change, and why should it? 

I was a terrible kid, and what’s happened is more than I deserve for that kid that I was. I’m lucky to have what I have in life. 

If I think back to that kid, it’s like someone I’m looking back at him as though it wasn’t me, although in some ways I wish that I could be a bit more like him!

He didn’t give a shit about consequences as much.  He wouldn’t take shit, and he would often get into fights over things that he thought were wrong, not caring if he was overpowered or not. If it was morally wrong then it was wrong - “you’re fifteen and that kid is ten, lay off him shitbag!”

Hell, that’s almost aspirational!

However, there were things about that kid that I was which weren’t good or positive, and that’s the person that I have regrets about every single moment. That’s also why I beat myself up and think of myself as lucky, no matter what!

One person that I went away to school with says that I deserved everything bad that came my way.

I’m sorry. 

From day one of this blog series I wanted it all to be positive, unlike the previous autobiographical blog.

I shall endeavour to be more up and less down!

Note - I decided to just post this as it, and post up the usual shift listening post separately tomorrrow!

Thank you for reading. Take care and stay safe x